What we look for in Applicants

We look for students who are lively and enthusiastic and capable of turning cartwheels at the rate of two hundred per minute. The ideal applicant is capable of pulling all-nighters for 6.023 E23 days in a row and living on diatoms found in the deepest trenches of the South Pacific Ocean. He or she knows700 digits of pi and has represented his or her country in innumerable fields of academic achievement that have brought tears of joy to the eyes of every party concerned. In such veins, lie the accomplishments of the great applicants who apply to this holy abode of learning and education.

Most of our applicants breeze through school with remarkable ease, doing every extra-credit project and never missing an opportunity to get the highest possible grades so that they may do the tango with these grades at dance clubs late at night, when they're supposed to be doing the next day's work. All this goes to show you is -' Never take your straight A's out for a dance as you never know what the atmosphere will turn them into'. They prefer hot chocolate and warm rugs any day.

We emphasise diversity in our admissions process. Isn't that extraordinarily clear from the rest of the website? If it isn't, allow us to elaborate. We need people from various parts of the world to study the various kinds of cranial structure. Mongoloid and Caucasian craniums are in great demand at present, but we always remember to keep our options open so that we may never lack these. That's something we've learned about research. We never reduce the scope of our work too much, as great depth often requires great breadth.

On a more pedestrian note, we require you to send the School reports and the evaluation forms as soon as you can. Try to be honest in your descriptions of your students so we may have a fair idea of how they will fit into the cabaret act of MIT's annual production of Moulin Rouge. Until such an opportune moment arises, we rest our cases in anticipation, waiting in the shadows.